my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Randomize
