Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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