hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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