You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
