all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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