I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Randomize
