I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
