Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
