i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
