I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
