You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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