Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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