Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
