This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
