he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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