mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
