Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
