and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
