I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
