tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
