dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
