I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
