Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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