i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
