Texts From Last Night

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  (434): View more from Virginia

  did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?

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  (434): did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace? http://tfl.nu/alh3
  Replies (1) Good night (926) Bad night (968)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class

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  (717): I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class http://tfl.nu/9lx5
  Replies (67) Good night (1184) Bad night (5120)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator

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  (423): I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator http://tfl.nu/6zcj
  Replies (27) Good night (1414) Bad night (4780)
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  (631): View more from New York

  You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu

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  (631): You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu http://tfl.nu/9ul0
  Replies (14) Good night (2496) Bad night (4139)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  $1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.

  (212): View more from New York

  Please take video.

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  (815): $1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween. (212): Please take video. http://tfl.nu/t1i5
  Replies (13) Good night (6588) Bad night (793)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  sarcasm needs its own font

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  (440): sarcasm needs its own font http://tfl.nu/5kc7
  Replies (55) Good night (8560) Bad night (995)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.

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  (803): Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear. http://tfl.nu/2r4l
  Replies (18) Good night (7924) Bad night (1344)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.

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  (512): He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests. http://tfl.nu/eem8
  Replies (20) Good night (2141) Bad night (5194)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.

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  (413): What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix. http://tfl.nu/3okt
  Replies (13) Good night (895) Bad night (5237)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...

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  (+44): I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon... http://tfl.nu/zui4
  Replies (3) Good night (1320) Bad night (1197)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Technically my penis started a fight tonight

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  (920): Technically my penis started a fight tonight http://tfl.nu/2ets
  Replies (14) Good night (1389) Bad night (545)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.

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  (616): We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that. http://tfl.nu/hsrb
  Replies (5) Good night (568) Bad night (1083)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.

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  (832): No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even. http://tfl.nu/n3x6
  Replies (4) Good night (721) Bad night (354)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.

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  (416): what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/f5ud
  Replies (5) Good night (1179) Bad night (374)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.

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  (702): I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now. http://tfl.nu/cei7
  Replies (1) Good night (400) Bad night (340)

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