Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?

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  (313): So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life? http://tfl.nu/8qm6
  Replies (37) Good night (4958) Bad night (1241)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either

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  (612): Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar (651): If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either http://tfl.nu/6h7r
  Replies (24) Good night (663) Bad night (4044)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.

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  (860): Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day. http://tfl.nu/g1ig
  Replies (15) Good night (4541) Bad night (981)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.

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  (615): i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card. http://tfl.nu/6ciy
  Replies (40) Good night (9657) Bad night (1144)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in

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  (732): no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in http://tfl.nu/h08n
  Replies (6) Good night (5620) Bad night (851)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight

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  (716): I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight http://tfl.nu/nte9
  Replies (24) Good night (640) Bad night (4925)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.

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  (403): we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now. http://tfl.nu/goi4
  Replies (16) Good night (5742) Bad night (989)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  morning after pill = breakfast in bed

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  (978): morning after pill = breakfast in bed http://tfl.nu/l1az
  Replies (22) Good night (1315) Bad night (3872)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.

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  (570): I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem. http://tfl.nu/6woq
  Replies (3) Good night (2745) Bad night (761)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.

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  (612): I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head. http://tfl.nu/qs4d
  Replies (26) Good night (703) Bad night (1378)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.

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  (515): Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours. http://tfl.nu/5w5c
  Replies (5) Good night (1627) Bad night (339)
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  (209): View more from California

  Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel

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  (209): Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel http://tfl.nu/1v3g
  Replies (15) Good night (1261) Bad night (400)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.

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  (312): Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available. http://tfl.nu/293f
  Replies (6) Good night (493) Bad night (969)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.

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  (608): I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation. http://tfl.nu/elh6
  Replies (0) Good night (512) Bad night (194)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.

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  (423): Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days. http://tfl.nu/aq3h
  Replies (3) Good night (898) Bad night (200)

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