forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
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I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Found the puke drawer
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Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?