forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he puts the penis in happiness.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
me + whiskey = a bad person
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina