I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
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