Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(231): View more from Michigan

i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror

(906): View more from Michigan

its going to be a good night

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money

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(516): View more from New York

Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?

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(708): View more from Illinois

He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(337): View more from Louisiana

I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic

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(812): View more from Indiana

Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room

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(520): View more from Arizona

I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.

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