I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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