FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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