He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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