Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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