What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
