I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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