i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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