Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
