Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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