you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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