I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
