So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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