im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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