Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Randomize
