I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
