Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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