Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
