i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I love you.
Bad choice
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
