I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
