I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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