I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
