i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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