So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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