Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
