We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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