the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize