Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
