She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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