Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
