i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
