I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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