sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize