then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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