Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
