I can tuck mytits in my pants
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
