Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We have so much sex to catch up on
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
