I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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