I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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